Gaming is not always about entertainment. Sometimes it’s about a backlogger’s struggles as he tries to catch an elusive 2 pound fish.
Big Time Minigames
Afternoon backloggers!! Remember how fun it was when you would find a minigame in one of your favorite games? They were simple and usually addicting. They were a great distraction from the sweeping quests that filled out the rest of the game. A great example would be the fishing minigame found in Ocarina of Time! Now imagine if they took that minigame and turned it into a full fledged game? That would be pretty cool right? You could add mechanics, make it more complex and just realistic enough that it’s no longer fun! Wait a second… where am I going with this?
Oh yeah! They did make a game like that and it’s called Bass Masters Classic on the SNES. Except this game came out way before the fun fishing minigames of Ocarina of Time did. No, this game is like a simulation of an already boring sport where the developers decided to strip out all the potentially fun things about fishing, and left us with a hollow husk of a stinker. It’s like they decided to leave us with all the technical fishing nonsense on a system that couldn’t even do it justice!
And it’s not like I have a problem with fishing video games either, because I know they can be fun. Especially when they’re in minigame form. You know, when they’re boiled down to the essence of what makes fishing enjoyable. The thrill of the catch, the struggle between you and the elements and the triumph of man over beast!! Bass Masters Classic offers none of this. Or at least, I didn’t have the patience to find out! But I’ll stop here for now and give you time to gather your druthers, so we can embark on this journey together.
The One Big Catch
Ok, now that we’re relaxed, let’s continue. So… the biggest issue with Bass Masters Classic is that it’s on my backlog. Which means I have to play it. But when a game like this does nothing to teach you how to play it on top of being terrible, one needs to come up with a plan to tackle said game. And that’s what I did! I set a singular goal for myself in this venture. That goal was to catch ONE… FREAKIN’… FISH!! And once that goal is complete, I am to wash my hands of it and I am to never speak of it aloud again.
Here’s the thing though. Even after looking up the game’s manual, even after searching for a FAQ on the world wide web (which only existed for the Genesis version) and even after a solid hour of attempts. I couldn’t figure out how to catch anything! Those dang fish would escape my clutches 100% of the time! But I was determined. I needed to do this. I needed to never have to touch this forsaken game again!!
And then suddenly a miracle happened! Or maybe it was dumb luck (I’ll take it). I landed my first and last fish. How did I do it you ask? Let me walk you through the process dear friend, in the following ordered list:
- Cast line.
- Crank that reel. All the while smooth talking the fish you pass by.
- Curse at said fish that won’t bite.
- Repeat step 2 and 3, three times.
- Bring the lure 1 foot away from your boat.
- Coax fish into biting with more sultry musings!
- Yank that sucker in with a single and swift button press!
- Achieve 10th place for the day.
That dear backloggers is how you complete Bass Masters Classic and remove it from your backlog. At least that’s how I did it! Please note, none of the people in the above image are of me.
The Right Angle
Well, I think I’m going to hang my rod and reel up and call it a day!! Although I didn’t technically “beat” Bass Masters Classic, I think I’m going to take my 2 lb fish and call it a win. In some aspects, this game has some impressive features, like pseudo 3D effects while underwater and a somewhat catchy soundtrack. But honestly, I don’t know who would have been happy with dropping $70 or $80 back in the day for this dead fish of a game. Really, it just felt like one of those games you would have rented for the weekend so you could see what it was like. And then promptly returned it out of horrible disappointment. Truthfully, I don’t even know why I own it!! And that, is a mystery we’ll never solve.
Until tomorrow my friends, have a great rest of your Thursday!
Moero Chronicle Hype (Switch)
Destiny 2 (Xbox One)
Total Backlogged Games: 725 …the amount of expletives I uttered trying to catch a dang fish!!
Total Completed Games: 25 …plus 25 more expletives once I actually succeeded.
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